The Impact of Excessive Video Gaming on Marriage
It can be difficult to have a spouse who feels more invested in playing video games than in your relationship. Video games can be a great form of entertainment, relaxation, and even social connection. However, when one partner plays video games excessively, the other partner can feel neglected, leading to emotional disconnection and marital dissatisfaction. This is where marriage counseling and couples therapy can provide essential tools to improve communication and rebuild connection.
Marital neglect and video games
Marital neglect occurs when one partner prioritizes activities, such as video gaming, over the relationship. This can lead to:
A lack of quality time spent together
Emotional disconnection
Feelings of being unheard or undervalued
Frustration and resentment
When feeling neglected in your relationship, it is important to have a conversation with your spouse about how you are feeling. Through marriage counseling, couples can learn effective communication skills and strategies to navigate this issue in a healthy and constructive way.
How to have a conversation about video games in marriage
Plan for the conversation
Planning the conversation beforehand can help you stay focused and avoid getting off-topic. Take a moment to reflect on when you feel most neglected. Ask yourself:
What are the specific times or behaviors that make me feel neglected?
How do I react when I feel neglected?
What are some realistic solutions that will help me feel more prioritized without taking away my partner’s autonomy?
Approaching your partner about the conversation
It is good practice to ask your partner if it is a good time to talk and provide an estimate of how long the conversation will take. Avoid bringing up the conversation during a heated moment or when your spouse is engrossed in a video game.
A good way to start might be:
“Is this a good time to talk about something that’s been on my mind? It may take about 20 minutes.”
You can also schedule a time to discuss the issue. Providing a brief description of the topic in advance can help your partner prepare mentally and reduce any feelings of anxiety.
Effective communication during the conversationDuring the conversation, it is important to remain on topic. This is where planning ahead can be helpful, as conversations can easily become emotional or turn into the “blame game.”
Use "I" Statements
"I" statements can help minimize feelings of blame. An example of an "I" statement could be:
“I feel neglected when you spend hours playing video games.”
To be solution-focused, follow up with a request:
“I would love for us to spend at least 30 minutes of quality time together before you start gaming.”
Active listening in the conversation
Active listening helps both partners feel heard and understood. This involves:
Reflecting back what you believe your partner is saying.
Acknowledging their feelings without immediately reacting.
Clarifying misunderstandings before assuming intent.
By practicing active listening, couples can prevent misunderstandings and foster emotional closeness.
Practical Tips to Navigate Excessive Video Gaming in a Relationship
Establish quality time rituals
Scheduling specific times for shared activities can help couples reconnect. Ideas include:
Weekly date nights
Cooking together
Engaging in a mutual hobby
Evening walks
By prioritizing quality time, couples reinforce the importance of their relationship.
Explore new interests together
Encouraging your spouse to engage in hobbies outside of gaming can strengthen your bond. Ideas include:
Outdoor activities like hiking, biking, or jogging
Creative hobbies such as painting or photography
Learning something new together, such as cooking or a new language
When couples develop shared interests, it reduces the dependency on gaming as the sole source of entertainment.
Set boundaries around video gaming
Setting healthy boundaries can help prevent excessive gaming from negatively impacting the relationship. Examples include:
Agreed-upon gaming limits, such as setting a specific time window for gaming
Designating tech-free times, such as during meals or before bed
Balancing responsibilities, ensuring that gaming does not interfere with household or parenting duties
Boundaries should be mutually agreed upon and not feel restrictive to either partner.
When to Seek Professional Help
If communication alone does not resolve the issue, seeking professional help can be highly beneficial. Marriage counseling and couples therapy provide structured support for couples struggling with excessive gaming-related conflict. A trained therapist can help:
Facilitate open discussions about gaming and relationship priorities
Identify underlying emotional triggers that lead to excessive gaming
Develop strategies for balancing gaming and relationship commitments
Strengthen emotional intimacy and improve communication
The Role of Emotion-Focused Therapy in Addressing Excessive Gaming
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) is a highly effective approach for addressing gaming-related conflicts in relationships. EFT focuses on helping couples understand their emotional responses and how these affect their interactions. Through EFT, couples can:
Recognize emotional triggers that lead to conflict over gaming
Improve emotional regulation and learn to express needs in a healthy way
Rebuild emotional intimacy by fostering a secure emotional connection
Develop new interaction patterns that reduce resentment and increase understanding
EFT is particularly useful for couples who feel emotionally disconnected due to excessive gaming. By focusing on the underlying emotions driving behaviors, couples can create lasting change in their relationship.
Couples Therapy for Video Game-Related Marital Issues in Texas
If excessive gaming is causing distress in your marriage, marriage counseling and couples therapy can help restore balance and connection.
At Neema Counseling, we have experienced therapists who specialize in marriage counseling and couples therapy. Our team is dedicated to helping couples strengthen their relationships, improve communication, and navigate challenges such as excessive gaming. We have therapists that meet in-person in Austin, Houston, and online throughout Texas.
Our therapists use evidence-based approaches, including Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), to help couples rebuild trust, enhance emotional intimacy, and create healthier relationship dynamics.
If you feel that professional help could benefit your relationship, schedule a consultation today.
