You turn in your last exam and are finally ready to go home. It’s time for a much-needed break from your messy roommate, ramen noodles, and late-night study sessions. Five whole weeks of sleeping in, Christmas movies, and home-cooked meals—absolute bliss. Well, not quite.
If you come from a dysfunctional family, holiday breaks can be harder than your Chem final. Maybe you’ve been dreading going home for weeks. Or perhaps you didn’t fully realize the extent of your family's dysfunction until you left for college.
Either way, navigating the holiday season with a dysfunctional family requires preparation, self-awareness, and strong coping strategies. Fortunately, through Christian counseling, family counseling, and online counseling, you can develop tools to support your mental and emotional well-being as you endeavor to survive the holidays.
What makes a family dysfunctional?
Every family has its challenges, and the holidays can bring stress to even the healthiest relationships. However, dysfunctional families exhibit ongoing destructive patterns that make home an emotionally draining place. Some common dysfunctional family dynamics include:
Scapegoating: Blaming one person for all the family's issues.
Stonewalling: Refusing to communicate or express emotions.
Triangulation: Talking to others about a conflict instead of addressing the person directly.
Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into questioning their own reality or memories.
If you recognize these patterns in your family, know that you are not alone. Family counseling and Christian counseling can help you develop healthy boundaries and navigate difficult relationships in a way that aligns with your faith and values.
Preparing Beforehand
Before heading home, take time to mentally and emotionally prepare. Online counseling is a great resource that allows you to work with a therapist, even if you’re away from campus during the holidays.
Reflect on Your Emotions
Ask yourself:
What emotions come up when I think about going home?
What past experiences have been difficult during the holidays?
What are my biggest fears or concerns?
Journaling about your emotions can bring clarity and help you process what to expect.
Set Realistic Expectations & Boundaries
Instead of hoping for an ideal holiday, set realistic expectations. Consider:
How much time do I want to spend with my family?
Will I need breaks or time away?
How can I politely but firmly enforce my boundaries?
It may help to communicate these expectations to your family before arriving.
Coping strategies for difficult moments
Increase compassion
It’s easy to focus on someone’s flaws, making every interaction frustrating. Try to see your family members as individuals shaped by their own experiences. This doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior, but acknowledging that they, too, may be struggling.
Remember your growth
You are not the same person you were before college. A dysfunctional family may try to pull you back into old roles, but you have the opportunity to respond differently. Reflect on:
How have I grown emotionally and spiritually?
What new coping skills have I developed?
How can I maintain these positive changes?
3. Use emotional regulation techniques
Difficult family interactions can trigger strong emotional reactions. Here are some tools to stay calm:
STOP Method
Stop what you’re doing
Take a deep breath
Observe your thoughts and feelings
Proceed (or remove yourself from the situation if needed)
Regulate Your Body Temperature
Feeling overwhelmed? Splash cold water on your face or step outside into the fresh air. This can help reset your nervous system.
Practice Deep Breathing
Try the 4-7-8 technique:
Inhale for 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
Exhale slowly for 8 seconds.
Repeat until you feel calmer.
Distract & Self-Soothe
If a conversation becomes too heated, step away. Call a friend, go for a walk, or listen to calming music. Use grounding techniques such as:
Looking at a comforting photo
Smelling a relaxing essential oil
Sipping a warm cup of tea
Dealing with a Dysfunctional Family as a Christian
The holidays are a time to reflect on Christ’s love, but it can be difficult to show grace when dealing with toxic family dynamics. The second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself—but what if that neighbor is a manipulative or controlling family member?
Rely on Your Faith
Before going home, prepare your heart through:
Prayer – Ask God for patience, wisdom, and strength.
Journaling – Write out scriptures that remind you of God's love and protection.
Reading the Word – Meditate on Bible verses that bring you peace.
When you feel overwhelmed, pause and remind yourself of biblical truths. Consider Christian counseling as a way to explore how faith can support your emotional well-being.
Choose Peace Over Conflict
Not every battle needs to be fought. Some conversations are better left alone for the sake of your peace. Ask yourself:
Is this worth my energy?
Can I let this go and maintain my boundaries?
Seeking Professional Support
If you find the holidays consistently overwhelming, consider working with a counselor. Family counseling can help you understand dysfunctional dynamics, and Christian counseling integrates faith into the healing process. If in-person sessions are not feasible, online counseling provides a flexible alternative.
Therapy in Austin, Texas and Houston, Texas
You don’t have to navigate family struggles alone. At Neema Counseling, we offer:
Christian counseling for faith-based guidance.
Family counseling to improve relationships and communication.
Online counseling for accessible therapy from anywhere.
We are conveniently located near The University of Texas at Austin and the Spring Branch area of Houston, Texas, and we also offer virtual therapy for students throughout Texas. If you need support, schedule a consultation with one of our therapists here.
Surviving the holidays with a dysfunctional family is challenging, but with preparation, coping strategies, and faith, you can protect your peace and make it through the season. Remember, your well-being matters, and you deserve support. Whether through self-care, Christian counseling, or family therapy, you are not alone on this journey.